Another Windows Scammer

I got another call yesterday from “Windows Tech Support” that went something like this:

Him (moderate accent): “Hi, I’m calling from Windows Tech Support, and . . .”

Me: “Oh, no! Do I have a virus?”

Him: *chuckling* “No, you have a browser injection malware.”

Me: “That sounds bad. Should I throw away my computer?”

Him: “No. I can help you fix it. What key is on the bottom left of your keyboard?”

Me: *scurrying to a Windows keyboard, so I didn’t out myself as a Mac user* “Control. C-T-R-L.”

Him: “OK, what key is next to that?”

Me: “The Windows key.”

Him: “OK. With one finger, hold down the Windows key, and with another finger, press the ‘R’ key.”

Me: “I can’t do that. I have only one finger. I burned the rest of them.”

Him: “What? You have only one finger?”

Me: “Yes. I burned the rest of them, and they’re bandaged, and it’s too painful to use them. What should I do?”

Him: *a stream of at least 12 curse words”

Me: “Wow. Impressive vocabulary! That was awesome!”

Him: *click*